Open Heart Surgery

Recently a wonderful friend from college told me throughout our friendship she felt I had put up a wall, not allowing her to really know me. I'm so thankful for her honesty and know she is not one to lie about things she discerns in others. I've been so convicted of my "walls" since then especially because I sincerely thought I was being vulnerable and transparent in this particular friendship. This is an attempt at being known other than Ron Burgundy jokes and Seinfeld quotes.

There is just something about being pushed beyond my physical limitations that makes me more in tuned with my spirit being. As God is 3 in one we are 3 in one-physical, mental and spiritual beings. All 3 go hand in hand and affect one another. If you are a runner you know emotions are sure to surface throughout the training and race. It just so happens that God has been gently but persistently asking me to trust Him to do some healing. Healing sounds nice but first it hurts before it feels better. I wanted to share something God taught me on an emotional run. If you prefer the Ron Burgundy material and want to stop reading right now I don't blame you.....

My imagination ran wild on my run today and I pictured myself on an operating table split wide open down the chest. The funny part is I was not put under, I was completely coherent. In fact, I was slightly sitting up fumbling over a bunch of medical tools. I was trying to do open heart surgery on myself.

That's me Ms. FixItMyself, nice to meet you. What a moron! I would try something like that, figuratively speaking, and too often do. God showed me that this is how I am trying to handle a difficult situation in my life. I admit I have"issues" or whatever you want to call them; we all deal with them to some degree. Those who claim to have no issues are worse off than me. Before you think too far into this know that I am NOT into drama. Ask Der, I usually go the other extreme MsFixItMyself. The fact that I thought this "junk" was more of a paper cut that I could slap a band-aid on and everything would be fine is proof that I hate drama.

I've been attempting to fix it myself when I've been in need of "spiritual open heart surgery". Even the worlds best physicians would laugh at the idea of doing open heart surgery on themselves and place their lives in someone else's hands. A choice remains, with the diagnosis the Great Physician has presented. I can reject Omnipotent help or I can go under the spiritual knife. I trust Him. I'm going under.

Proverbs 20:5
"The purpose of a man's heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out."